KIX & SEB'S
FUN TRIP TO
PERU 💣
July 1 — July 18, 2025
Two legends. One country. Zero f*cks given.
MEET THE LEGENDS
Two idiots. One dream. Unlimited chaos potential.
KIX
aka KieranThe Ironman triathlete. The curly-haired cardio machine. This absolute unit ran a half Ironman and still had energy to plan an 18-day Peru trip. Will probably try to race a llama. Will definitely lose.
SEB
aka SebastianThe man with the six pack that could grate cheese. Spends more time shirtless than dressed. Will definitely take his shirt off at Machu Picchu. Will definitely get told off by a guide. Zero regrets.
DON'T BE AN IDIOT
Book this sh*t NOW or regret it forever.
CRITICAL BOOKINGS CHECKLIST
WHAT TO PACK (DON'T FORGET ANYTHING)
KEY WARNINGS (READ THIS OR DIE)
Cusco is 3,400m. Rainbow Mountain is 5,200m. Altitude sickness is REAL. Acclimatise on Days 5-6. Coca tea, water, NO alcohol on arrival.
Permits sell out MONTHS ahead for July. This is the most time-sensitive booking. Do it NOW.
Most cheap policies exclude adventure activities. You need coverage for rafting, bungee, hiking above 4,000m. Helicopter evacuation costs €5,000+.
Peru runs on cash outside Lima. ATMs charge €3-6/withdrawal. Bring USD, exchange at money changers.
DAY BY DAY
18 days of pure, unfiltered, legendary chaos. Buckle the f*ck up.
DAY 1: ARRIVE LIMA
1AM landing, zero sleep, maximum chaos incoming
Touch down at Lima Jorge Chávez Airport at bloody 1AM. Don't be an idiot — use the official taxi desk or Uber, not some random dude's car. 20-30 min ride to Miraflores, crash immediately. The adventure starts tomorrow, you absolute legends.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Lima is the 2nd largest desert capital in the world after Cairo. You're basically landing in the Sahara with better food.
DAY 2: LIMA GOES HARD
Ancient pyramids, cliff walks, and the best damn pisco sours on Earth
Sleep in. No alarms. You earned it after that red-eye. Walk around Miraflores — it sits on cliffs above the Pacific like an absolute boss. Hit up Huaca Pucllana, an ancient adobe pyramid literally in the middle of a residential neighbourhood. Then Barranco for street art, ceviche, and Lady B bar — one of the best bars IN THE WORLD. Pisco sours until you can't feel your face.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Peru has over 500 varieties of ceviche. You're about to eat the best damn fish dish of your life.
DAY 3: LIMA → PARACAS
Dumplings, cathedrals, and a 4-hour bus ride to the desert coast
Morning at Plaza Mayor — Lima's historic centre. Cathedral, Government Palace, the works. Then Chinatown for dumplings that cost less than a pint. Grab souvenirs at the Inca market. 12pm Cruz del Sur bus to Paracas (4hrs, €15). Arrive at this sick little coastal town on a desert bay. Waterfront dinner, fresh grilled fish, early night. Tomorrow's a 7AM start, you lazy bastards.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Lima's Chinatown (Barrio Chino) is the oldest in Latin America, established in the 1850s. Dumplings for €4? Absolute steal.
DAY 4: BALLESTAS + HUACACHINA
Sea lions, penguins, and then SANDBOARDING DOWN MASSIVE DUNES
7AM Ballestas Islands boat tour — two hours around rock arches covered in sea lions, Humboldt penguins, and pelicans. You get within METRES of hundreds of sea lions. Then shuttle to Huacachina — a literal f*cking OASIS. Lagoon, palm trees, enormous sand dunes. 3PM dune buggy + sandboarding. The driver launches you off dune crests in a roll-cage machine. Then you sandboard down 100m faces in golden afternoon light. Drinks at the oasis at sunset. This day is absolutely MENTAL.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Huacachina is one of the only natural desert oases in all of South America. Population: about 100 people. Vibe: absolutely unreal.
DAY 5: TRAVEL DAY FROM HELL
Bus, plane, altitude — welcome to suffering
No way around it. 7AM bus from Huacachina to Lima (4hrs). Straight to the airport. Flight to Cusco (1.5hrs) — window seat over the Andes if you're not a muppet. Arrive Cusco at 3,400m. You WILL feel the altitude. Do NOT drink alcohol. Walk slowly. Coca tea. Light dinner. Bed by 10pm. Tomorrow your body adjusts. Today it suffers.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Cusco sits at 3,400m — higher than any point in the Alps. Your body literally has less oxygen. Don't be a hero.
DAY 6: CUSCO + COCKFIGHTING
Ancient ruins, local chaos, and the most legendary backpacker bar in South America
Easy morning — your body's still adjusting. Breakfast at San Pedro Market for €3. Try api morado and tamales. Then Sacsayhuáman — enormous Inca fortress with massive stone blocks fitted with NO mortar. Afternoon in San Blas neighbourhood. Then the real shit: Coliseo de Gallos — cockfighting. Legal, culturally embedded, 99% of tourists never see it. Loud, packed, entirely local. Chaotic and raw. Night: Wild Rover — the most famous backpacker bar in South America. Keep it sensible though, Rainbow Mountain is a 3AM start in two days.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Sacsayhuáman's stones weigh up to 200 tonnes each and fit together so precisely you can't fit a piece of paper between them. Built without wheels, iron tools, or mortar. Absolute madlads.
DAY 7: HUMANTAY LAKE
Turquoise glacial water at 4,200m that'll make you cry
5AM pickup. 3hr drive through the Andes. Then a 2hr hike to Humantay Lake at 4,200m. Steep but not technical. When you get there... turquoise glacial water ringed by snow-capped peaks. It looks like someone photoshopped reality. Back to Cusco by 5-6pm. Easy dinner. Early night. You absolute warriors.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
The turquoise colour comes from glacial flour — rock ground to powder by the glacier. It scatters light differently. Science is awesome.
DAY 8: RAINBOW MOUNTAIN
5,200m. The highest point. Striped mountains that look absolutely unreal.
3AM pickup. THREE IN THE BLOODY MORNING. 3hr drive. 2hr hike to the summit at 5,200m — the highest point of the entire trip. Vinicunca is striped red, yellow, green, purple from mineral deposits. In July with clear skies it looks like someone painted the earth. Back in Cusco by 2-3pm. Nap. Big dinner. You just conquered a mountain higher than Mont Blanc, you absolute legends.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Rainbow Mountain was covered in snow until 2015. Climate change melted the ice cap and revealed the colours. Nobody knew it looked like this until 8 years ago.
DAY 9: SACRED VALLEY RAMPAGE
Salt mines, ATVs, ziplines, and Inca terraces — absolute carnage
Full day of absolute carnage. Morning: Maras salt mines — thousands of terraced pools, pink and white, been used since Inca times. Moray terraces — circular Inca agricultural site that looks like an alien landing pad. Afternoon: ATV quad biking through Inca terraces and mountain trails (€40). Then ZIPLINING over the Sacred Valley (€35) if you've got any energy left. Dinner in Ollantaytambo — a town still laid out by the Incas. This day is STACKED.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
The Maras salt mines have over 5,000 pools and have been in use for over 500 years. Each pool is owned by a local family. The salt is pink and delicious.
DAY 10: THE BEST DAY OF THE TRIP
Rafting. Bungee. Wild Rover. The holy trinity of absolute madness.
THIS IS IT. THE BIG ONE. Morning: White water rafting on the Urubamba River — Grade 3-4 rapids. You WILL fall in. Back by 1pm. Afternoon: BUNGEE JUMPING at Action Valley — 122m, one of the highest in South America. Then the grand finale: Wild Rover — the proper night. THE legendary Cusco backpacker night. Budget €50 and don't you dare set an alarm for tomorrow. This is the day you'll tell your grandkids about.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
The bungee at Action Valley is 122m — that's taller than the Statue of Liberty (93m). You'll be screaming louder than you've ever screamed in your life.
DAY 11: REST DAY + INCA TRAIL PREP
Sleep until you physically cannot sleep anymore
Sleep until you wake up naturally. Big breakfast. Sit in the Cusco sun. Sort your kit for the Inca Trail — daypack only. Buy snacks. Leave your main bag at the hostel. Early dinner, carb heavy. In bed by 9pm. Tomorrow the trail begins. You need to not be hungover. Good luck with that after last night, you animals.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
The Inca Trail permits sell out months in advance for July. If you haven't booked yet, you're absolutely screwed. Book it NOW.
DAY 12: INCA TRAIL DAY 1
12km through cloud forest to the Sun Gate — Machu Picchu at SUNSET
Everything's included in the pre-booked €530 package. Train to KM104. 12km hike through cloud forest. After 3 hours reach Wiñay Wayna — impressive Inca ruin. Then the moment: the Sun Gate (Inti Punku). First panoramic view of Machu Picchu from above. Descend into the citadel for SUNSET — rare, magical, fewer crowds. Most people see Machu Picchu at sunrise. You're seeing it at sunset like absolute VIPs. Hotel and dinner in Aguas Calientes included.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
€0 EXTRA — ALL PRE-PAID BABY! 🎉
That €530 Inca Trail package is doing the heavy lifting today.
Only 500 people per day are allowed on the Inca Trail. You're part of an exclusive club of legends who walked the same path as the Incas.
DAY 13: MACHU PICCHU + HUAYNA PICCHU
The iconic wonder of the world. Then climb the terrifying peak behind it.
Bus up for sunrise. Full guided tour of the citadel. Then HUAYNA PICCHU — the steep peak in every famous photo. Near-vertical stone steps, chains bolted into rock. 45 mins up. The view looking down is completely different to the main site. This is the moment. This is why you came to Peru. This is the photo that goes on the wall. Return train to Cusco. You've just been to one of the New Seven Wonders of the World.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Machu Picchu was built around 1450 AD and was never found by the Spanish conquistadors. It was 'rediscovered' in 1911 by Hiram Bingham. The Incas were absolute geniuses at hiding stuff.
DAY 14: FREE DAY / RECOVERY
9 consecutive days of madness. Today is YOURS.
You've done 9 consecutive days of intense activity. Today is yours. Sleep in. Revisit San Pedro market. Get a massage (€15-20/hr). Try Via Ferrata climbing if you're insane. Or just sit on a rooftop terrace with a coffee and reflect on the fact that you've been to Machu Picchu, Rainbow Mountain, gone bungee jumping, and white water rafting in the same week. Final Cusco dinner at Chicha by Gaston Acurio — modern Peruvian food. You've earned it, you beautiful bastards.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Gaston Acurio is basically the Gordon Ramsay of Peru. His restaurants are legendary. Chicha in Cusco is the one to hit.
DAY 15: CUSCO → PUNO
6 hours across the Altiplano. Llamas. Alpacas. Enormous sky.
Bus from Cusco to Puno — 6 hours across the Altiplano at 3,800-4,000m. The road is insane. Llamas, alpacas, enormous sky that goes on forever. Arrive Puno, walk the waterfront, sunset over Lake Titicaca. This is the highest navigable lake in the world. Book the morning boat tour at the hostel. Dinner for €8-10. Tomorrow you're walking on floating islands made of reeds. No, seriously.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
Lake Titicaca is the highest navigable lake in the world at 3,812m. It's also the largest lake in South America. And yes, the name is hilarious.
DAY 16: LAKE TITICACA — UROS + TAQUILE
Floating islands made of REEDS. Walking on them. They BOUNCE.
7AM boat to Uros floating islands. Entirely built from totora reeds — islands, houses, boats. Families live here permanently. You walk on them and they BOUNCE. One of the strangest things you'll ever see. Continue to Taquile Island — indigenous community with incredible weaving tradition. On a clear day, views to the Bolivian Andes. Lunch on the island — fresh lake trout. Back to Puno by 3-4pm. Free evening to contemplate the absolute madness of this trip.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
The Uros people have been building floating islands for over 500 years. When a section rots, they just add more reeds on top. The islands last about 30 years.
DAY 17: TRAVEL DAY — WIND DOWN
Pack up, sort souvenirs, eat well. The end is near.
Bus Puno to Juliaca (1hr). Fly to Lima (1.5hrs). Arrive Lima afternoon. Sleep near the airport. Wind-down day. Pack, sort souvenirs, eat well. Reflect on the fact that you've just had the most legendary 18 days of your entire lives. This trip has been absolutely f*cking incredible.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
DAMAGE REPORT
DAY 18: FLY HOME
Exhausted. Sunburned. Already planning the next one.
Fly home. You leave Peru exhausted, sunburned, and already planning the next one. 18 days. 7 adrenaline activities. 5,200m altitude conquered. Hundreds of sea lions witnessed. One legendary bungee jump. Countless pisco sours consumed. This wasn't just a trip — this was the most epic adventure of your damn lives. Until next time, you absolute legends. 💣
WHAT'S HAPPENING
You've just completed one of the most epic 18-day itineraries Peru has to offer. You're now officially more interesting than 99% of people.
TRIP STATS
The numbers don't lie. This trip is absolutely STACKED.
7 ADRENALINE ACTIVITIES (YOU ABSOLUTE MANIACS)
THE TOTAL DAMAGE
How much is this legendary adventure gonna cost? Let's f*cking find out.
PRE-BOOKED (BOOK NOW OR CRY LATER)
DAILY SPEND (THE FUN MONEY)
THE GRAND TOTAL PER PERSON
That's €3,128-€3,290 actual spend + buffer for ATM fees, unplanned drinks, taxis, and whatever stupid shit you two get up to. Budget €3,400 and you're golden.